Boys or girls?

These are extracts from a recent conversation on our message board:

We are going to matching panel soon for a little girl – we are a male couple and the social worker seems to think that the panel may latch on to this. We are fine with it and have no problems (or so we think!) dealing with girly problems -up to and including puberty and beyond….. We also have a good circle of friends including women who have expressed an interest in helping out should we need it. What I would like know and be able to take to panel with me is numbers of other adopters who have children of “the other sex” When we came last time to the meet-up it did look like most were of the same gender as their parents – but please let me know if you are not so that I have some info to take with me.
Love and best wishes to all,


David here – me and my partner Stuart were matched with a girl and she has been with us 3 months. We knew when we were matched that normally male couples get boys and girls get girls – but for us we never had a preference but when a girl came up we thought this was ideal in that it may be easier for a girl to have 2 dads than for a boy. The panel that had approved us for adoption 100% when it came to the matching panel went 75% for 25% against purely on that they weren’t sure we could offer a girl what she needed. We thought this was madness and spoke to the panel on their fears; they included what we do when we were out shopping and she needed the loo… We just thought this was crazy as what would any dad do if out with their daughter on their own… Anyway they made us wait the full period of time for a decision but it was positive. Best to have any possible questions answered on things like the child getting to an age where they might want privacy during bath time etc – we said we might have a bathing suit so that they can pop it on if they get to an age where they don’t was us to see them… All the usual silly questions! Anyway if you want to talk about our experience if you think it might help then email us or give us a call.
David and Stuart


It really is mad, isn’t it?
Many people’s idea of the “perfect” parental unit is a man and a woman, and in that setup there will always be one parent who isn’t the same sex as at least one of the children. To expect the parent who is the same sex as the child to undertake all of the care giving for that child is ludicrous really. That’s like saying a dad in a hetero couple can’t take sole care of his daughter, and a mother in a hetero couple can’t take sole care of her son. What about single parents, too? I know plenty of single mums and dads and they all seem to manage fine with public loos / bath time / etc. I think it really is “the gay thing” these people are worried about.
Oh well… I’m glad to know there are several blokes on here who’ve been matched with girls! Lovely.

Published in From our message board on July 28, 2008